Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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