On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
