I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
