i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
