u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
