White coat. Heels.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
