When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
