Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
