Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
