I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
