She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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