Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
