Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
