If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
