Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
