R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
