I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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