im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just puked most of my soul out..
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