I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
