Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
