I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
