Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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