Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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