You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the liver wants what the liver wants
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
