My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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