just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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