I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
