all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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