stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
