cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
