im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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