i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
