I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how drunk are you?
Several
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
