a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
