1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
