Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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