Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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