mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
