I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
