someone threw a dead crab at me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
