i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
