I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
