Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
