i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
