Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
