a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
