Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
