i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
