She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
