I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
