what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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