i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
