and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
