wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
