I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
