do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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