The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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