Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
