I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
