then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love black thongs
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
